Who does not know them, the throwbacks? We think we solved an issue and suddenly we are hit with full force again. We are in doubt and ask what we missed in order to solve the issues that cause pain, disappointment, hurt, despair, forlornness, and such things. It seems like I am starting right from the beginning again. But eventually there comes a day when things are going better again and I realize something has changed. I notice the little things that show up through these new throwbacks. Suddenly there is an insight which was unnoticed before.
It is not a matter of avoiding challenges. We will rather not be able to do so in the course of life. It is a question of how to handle the challenges. Are we able to apply what we have learnt? Or was our learning only a snapshot? Did we really anchor what we believed to have learnt?
Sometimes I read something and it does have a strong effect on me and seems to resonate as deep truth. I then believe I understood it completely and I will never forget it again. But somehow the veil of oblivion strikes and a new situation in life hits me again.
Basically I know there is no need for suffering, but nevertheless life offers lots of possibilities to show me how to practice and learn my lessons not only theoretically but actively as well and to insist on the application of my knowledge. If I am not able to apply the learned stuff actively then I suffer.
For many of us suffering is a driving force we cannot ignore. Suffering is something we must react to. We cannot suppress it permanently. There is an affirmation saying "I allow myself to learn through joy and wellbeing instead of suffering". For me this affirmation works only partly. To achieve such a behavior it might be necessary to first of all react to a new challenge with suffering again. It makes no sense to suppress suffering or pretend it to be absent. I have to face it over and over again.
Life is a training ground. I am allowed to practice over and over again until I react a little different and do not need suffering any longer. A simple realization might not be sufficient. It is about discovering and living farther parts of the solution bit by bit and therefore stabilizing it. Life is multidimensional. There is not only the single one solution for everything. There are infinite solutions for the same task if we look at it from various viewpoints.
Even if we sometimes think we are running in circles because we are stuck and face the same problem again, although we thought we already solved it, something will be different. Some aspects have dissolved, challenges changed a little.
Looking back there is already tremendously a lot which I already solved. Only when facing a difficult situation I do not bear that in mind. Instead it happens that I tend to react with desperation when challenged with an apparently insoluble job lying ahead. Within that moment I forget what I actually already know.
If a friend reminds me of the solution I sometimes have to chuckle and wonder how come I could not come to the conclusion on my own and how come I forgot again how to get there. But probably this is why we are here. We need to look at our challenges from all possible perspectives and face all the different circumstances to solve them all.
Even if we feel like running in circles or having nothing accomplished, something is still different. Days of despair are followed by days of confidence. Murky days are followed by clear days. Sometimes it is easy to hear my inner voice and to maintain a connection with the spiritual world, and other times the channels are disturbed.
If there is a time when clarity is lacking it is a matter of remembering the information that was available on clear days. I guess it is like a trial. Am I able then to figure out who I am although I am totally alone without any support and without a clear connection?
It is like a meditation in the midst of big-city noise where the challenge is to concentrate on oneself despite all the disturbances caused for example by airplanes, cars, leaf blowers, and so on. Are we then able to find the stillness within? Are we then able to connect to our core being in spite of all distractions and diversions? It is one of the huge challenges on this planet to find stillness in the midst of chaos and noise and to be able to turn inward regardless of the outer conditions.
Consequently, if we find ourselves having days of despair, then it might be helpful to know that those days are valuable also and that those days support us in connecting with our core being. Only with considerably greater challenges than we actually consciously would like to face in that moment.
Let go, let go, let go. The old programming and the old manipulations are strong and they are constantly affecting us. They provide permanent training. Despair is allowed because it wants to be experienced. It is ok to feel like having reached a dead-end. Let us open up to everything that wants to be acknowledged within each moment. Nothing is in vain. Everything has its place and its sense.
Murky days are followed by clear days. Sometimes it is just a matter of time.
Murky days are those in which we easily forget, on clear days we remember
and that makes it much easier to deal with our challenges.