If we chose a domestic partner what are our motives? Many people say it is love. But is it love? Or is there more to it like going for a kind of exchange deal? If you love me then I love you. If you stop loving me then I stop loving you. If you behave to my liking I love you. If you hurt me, I quit loving you and so on and so on …
In former times marriages were much more communities of purpose than today. It was helpful to unite in order to survive, or because it was usual in the social structure. Since women did not necessarily have external jobs they depended on such communities in which their role was to be mother and/or housewife.
My grandfather in his days wanted to marry a girl from the neighborhood. When he asked the girl's mother for permission the mother told him that he could not marry that daughter. She said the oldest one had to be married first. After all it happened that my grandfather married the oldest daughter who became my grandmother instead of my great-aunt.
My grandparents were married for more than 60 years and my granny died two years after my grandpa, although she actually was still very fit, and might have lived on. However, she decided to leave by having an accident or rather her soul decided in such a way.
But what lies behind if communities are formed, families are founded or people get together in some sort of relationship? Certainly there are arrangements of the souls made prior to this lifetime. The souls agree on whom they would like to meet, with whom to have closer relationships, or with whom to possibly have parental child's relations etc. This is not a fixed plan, rather many possibilities are offered and the incarnated person can choose from this wide range of choices up to some degree.
We humans need interaction in order to learn and to further develop and gain experiences. If two people get together then an energetic cord between them takes form. Energy is exchanged through that cord. If there is a sudden separation then this cord is cut and that might hurt in case energy had still been flowing intensely before. Some people compensate it by connecting to a new partner and carry on with the energy exchange there. The one who stays behind without a new exchange might possibly suffer at first until his or her cord has closed up and healed again.
How long do people accompany us on our way? When do we coalesce anew or when do we maintain existing connections with a partner? There are endlessly many explanations and probably too many to be fully comprehended from our human perspective and thus we are certainly not able to judge at all.
In fact, what we are doing is playing games. We play marriage, we play divorce, we play family etc. Overall we play all sorts of liaison games. Sometimes we call it love. Love can be present within these games, or love can be absent. Playing with these bonds seems to involve a lot more than just playing love games. We enter into barter transactions. Once we choose a partner there is also give and take.
I used to expect from my partners to remove my backpack and carry it for me. If the partner did not act like it but instead put his backpack on top of mine then I was disappointed. For quite a long time I longed for a partner who would take my emotional discomfort away. I thought if Prince Charming comes along the way then all my problems will be gone like the wind. However, nobody did me a favor in taking away my problems respectively I am glad nobody did because it would not have been a favor at all.
My learning job was to find out that no partner of this world is solving my problems and neither is a partner meant to be doing that. I had to realize that I have to work it out for myself. My personal emotional pain has to be dissolved by me.
Quite often I had made the mistake of transferring old pain into a new relationship hoping to finally having found the partner who resolved it. This led to regular disappointment because instead the partner had pushed my sore spots and showed me where it hurts, thus played the asshole-angel for me.
One time I let my soul choose a partner for me. I did it with the help of a guided meditation in which I went to the see of souls in order to find the optimally fitting one there respectively let my soul guide me to meet several ones and play on the soul plane to then choose the one that seemed to fit best. A few months later I met him in person. However, I was surprised because I did not get Prince Charming making me ever so happy. I said to myself: "Well, that is strange. My soul has suggested this partner. How come I am experiencing such a difficult situation again?"
Meanwhile I received quite a few answers. It was about having to recognize the misbelief of thinking that I need a partner who makes me happy. Nobody can do that for me. It is something I have to achieve myself. I also learnt to realize what kind of detrimental patterns I had been living in relationships before. Whether and to what extend I succeeded in solving all of them, I do not know. Mostly life shows us further aspects over time and we are then allowed to work on them once they show up.
However, what induced me to carry on with such a difficult relationship instead of ending it was the fact that we had met on the soul plane and our souls had agreed on having this experience together. Thus I am working on anything that comes up and I am trying to transform it as good as I can. I trust my soul and my soul will let me know how to proceed because I asked for it in the first place.
What is helpful also in dealing with relationship matters is letting go of society's old patterns. Not the issue itself causes pain but holding on to moral conceptions. It is not life itself that is painful because truth does not hurt. Pain originates from pressing social norms, morality, or misbeliefs onto life. Healing means to recognize such behavior and letting go of values and beliefs that do not serve us any longer.
Erroneously we sometimes split up with a person instead of dissolving our patterns. Then we might be surprised if the next partner presses the same sore spots in us. However, it can also be that we need a new asshole-angel to show us something from another perspective in order for us to be able to let go. Nevertheless, the root of what we have to solve lies primarily within ourselves. Civil partnerships can come up with very strong cords lasting a lifetime if the souls have chosen it to be like that. It might also be that we need many different partners or even none at all. Everything is possible. Everything is valid and depends on the souls' plans.
It sometimes happens that people without a partner are pitied. Society does not like to see people being alone. However, if the soul has chosen the experience of aloneness then the person might be unhappy only because society demands it to be different although everything is actually ok. Then it is advisable to let go of society's ideas instead of creating or keeping a detrimental relationship. Overall we are manipulated to stick to things that allegedly make us happy. In truth we are addicted and we are unhappy if we do not have such things. However, if we have them then we mostly are also not happy or not for long. We are only dependent.
Maybe we could try to figure out again what our own wishes are, the ones coming from our soul instead of being projected onto us from the outside. This is not an easy task as we are constantly confronted with an external value system we erroneously consider to be our own. Truth does not hurt. Only quite often we do not know truth. We think the lie is the truth and we are not really able to distinguish.
Once I took part in a ritual which was about letting go of misbeliefs. We were not told what these misbeliefs are in detail. We only got a number and we had to count backwards without miscounting in order to dissolve each misbelief.
I had more than 1000 misbeliefs and some people in the group had more than
8000 misbeliefs accumulated during their incarnations and were still living
according to them. Our society is far away from living truth because in order
to get there many people would have to open up to the possibility of having
such a great number of misbeliefs and would have to make an effort to dissolve
them as well.